January 2012
2 tags
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T.: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Othello: Jealousy.
Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Constable: To get a better view.
Yeats: She was following the Faeries that sang to her to come away with them from the dull, bucolic comfort of the farmyard to the waters and the wild.
Shelley: 'Tis a metaphor for the pursuits of man: though 'twas deemed an extraordinary occurrence at the time, still it brought little to bear on the great scheme of time and history, and was ultimately fruitless and forgotten.
Tolkien: Chickens are respectable folk, and well thought of. They never go on any adventures or do anything unexpected. One fine spring day, as the chicken wandered contentedly around the farmyard, clucking and pecking and enjoying herself immensely, there appeared a Wizard and thirteen Dwarves who were in need of a chicken to share in their adventure. Reluctantly she joined their party, and with them crossed the road into the great Unknown, muttering about how rude the Dwarves were to take her away on such short notice, without even giving her time to brush her feathers or fetch her hat.
Palahniuk: Because the whole time, says the chicken, I was the road
In which our protagonist blogs about things:... →
thevoiceagainst:
whatfreshhellisthis:
Right.
Please deposit everything you’ve ever been told about sex and gender to one side so they can be incinerated, you shan’t be needing them ever again.
Something you need to know: There are men, women and nonbinary folks. There are also people…
Wolffian for penis-related systems, Mullerian for vagina-related systems, if taking the whole...
December 2011
2 tags
In which our protagonist blogs about things:... →
tal9000:
yoisthisracist:
Yo, first of all, to stave off the upcoming hate mail, I should say that Kim Jong Il was a bad guy, and no matter how dope his personal style was, he did mad evil shit.
But, and this goes for all the various foreign dictators, maniacs, and enemies of the West…
Which nation suffers most under a dictator?
His own. So don’t mock it.
Watchalas-mypetticoats:
jcatgrl:
lemonorangelime:
daily-tumbles:
This is a dish called Odori-Don. It has a dead squid on top that “dances” when Soy Sauce is poured on it, activating its neurons.
I’M TERRIFIED
I’M GOING TO CRY HOW CAN YOU EAT THAT AFTER IT DANCES FOR YOU
So…..Soy Sauce basically turns dead squids into zombies which will dance for your amusement…?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I HAVE...
Decided to test a stranger on Omegle. They failed...
Stranger: m or f?
You: What if I told you I don't identify as either?
Stranger: so youre in the middle of a transgender surgery?
YES
THAT IS CORRECT
YOU KNOW TYPING ON HOSPITAL OPERATING TABLES IS NOT EASY
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE SNIPPING UP VITAL PERSONALITY-RELATED NEURONS IN YOUR BRAIN
transimatter asked: Rowling said it's based off French and monde is French for world, not volde.
4 tags
“We should live in a world where Sasha Grey reads to first-graders and no one...”
– - The inescapability of porn
We don’t live in that world, and it’s a shame.
(via scipsy)
It’s not a ‘shame’. It’s a travesty. It’s also top of my list of shi to uck up.
transdyke:
candescentcarter replied to your photo: Anonymous asked: How can you be lesbian and…
That’s actually a good question. How can you identify with two conflicting identities?
because they don’t conflict!
i’m pansexual but most of the time i’m attracted to woman-identified people.
YES KIT WE ARE THE SAME SEXUALITY
SORTA
I describe it as being ‘a picky pansexual and a bad...
“An atheist professor of Philosophy was speaking to his class on the problem...”
– (via janheinhei03)
By the by… snopes.com says your claim is FALSE. Nice try!
http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp
(via itsjustsummer)
They’re still spreading this shit around? Why am I not surprised?
(via ladyatheist)
Science says you have more than 5 senses. It also says that you...
4 tags
4 tags
spider-flaps asked: Oh my, I've fallen in love with your blog *w*
1 tag
3 tags
Mary Sue, what are you? or why the concept of Sue...
adventuresofcomicbookgirl:
Looks like this essay was needed, so I went ahead and did it. Not sure I said everything I wanted to say, but I tried.
So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects them all because she dedicated to what is Pure and Good. She has genius level...
assorted points
77825225672443:
unknowablewoman:
saltmarshhag:
terrorbull:
during the summer I deleted my Tumblr et al to extricate myself entirely from social justice discourse, because at the time it reminded me way too much of splitting, something that I was desperately trying to neutralize in my own behavior and didn’t need from a bunch of whiny mutually-enabling internet strangers. I noticed time and...
oh, lily.
transdyke:
Would you fuck me with a boy
Would you fuck me with a toy
Would you do me with a fruit
Would you do me until I shoot
Do you I will,
I will do you
If you do want me
To want to do you
I shouldn’t be allowed near Words
4 tags
3 tags
CONGRATULATIONS, WHITE PEOPLE! The Board of Dates and Festivals has convened, and agreed that it is time there was a White People Day! There is also a Heterosexual Day, a Christian Day, and a Male History Day!
These days have been specifically set aside for these wonderful groups. For example, on White People Day, the adverts will show only white people - smiling and happy as they should be -...
It's a meme. I'm a meme now. Memes are cool.
Fact: Bisexuals and asexuals cannot even briefly...
Doesn’t the First Law of Thermodynamics mean you would just get two monosexuals?
